Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Story time: She made the move first.

Alex walked down the long bleak ally, taking back streets so that she did not have to face people.  She just wanted to be left to her thoughts and not bothered.  As she walked, she thought about the way things were changing from a new president to now a country blocking others from coming in.  Was this the world that she wanted to be a part of?  What was to happen to her rights as a citizen if she did not believe the way that was expected of her?  

Now 40, Alex finally knew who she was.  A strong lesbian woman!  And yet she was scared to say that out loud.  Alex knew that prayer was the answer, but yet that didn't seem to be enough for her.  She saw other protest and wished that she had the courage to do so.  Yet fear of loosing family and friends, fear of loosing her job for taking off for it, and fear of being arrested kept her from stepping up.  Fear, oh how it ruled.

Alex walked a little more and soon found herself at her favorite diner.  It was one of those old fashion burger joints.  It was open 24/7 and usually at this late hour, no one was there.  Alex walked in and got a booth off in the back where she could take out her computer and type up something on her blog.  But then walked up the waitress that she always eyed but never moved to ask her out.

Judy was about 38 and one of those cute little fems.  She wore her rainbow button proudly and was well known in the LGBT community as an activist.  She worked part time at the diner to help make ends meet.  Alex never saw her with anyone but the thought crossed her mind several times that she should ask her out.

"So, my shy friend, usual tonight?" Judy asked as she walked up to the booth.

"Just a coke and fries tonight." Alex let her know while trying not to look at her.  Alex just knew if she did that Judy would know that Alex wanted her and so she kept her head down.

"So what are we working on tonight?" Judy asked taking Alex by surprise.  Judy never asked anything just let her write and brought her food and soda.

"Not sure yet, there is so much to touch on and yet my thoughts are all over the place."

"So can I ask you something?"

"I guess."

"When are we going to go out?"
Taken off guard by this, Alex just stared up at her not knowing what to say.

"Alex, you come here every night, I know it isn't for the food," which was right as there were better places in town.

"I, uh, I want to go out with you but I don't know, I'm sorry, you want to go out with me?"

"Yes, is that hard to believe?"

"Well, when do you get off?"


"Then don't wait on me and let's go get something together."

Alex heart got excited and a new feeling of pride came over as the one she pawned over wanted to go out with her.  Alex was thankful Judy made the move first, but now the hard part of actually going out with her was upon her.  

Judy rejoined Alex and the two of them walked out of the diner.  They went to a local jazz club, chatted it up, and before they knew it the sun was dawning another day.  They went on many more dates in the months to come and soon afterwards, they got married.

Six years later, the two are still together.  Judy teases that she had to make the first move, and Alex thanks her everyday for doing so.  Their love has grown and the two of them still pass that diner and think back to the night they first went out.

Monday, January 30, 2017

To belong

If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.
John 15:19

We all want to belong to something bigger than us.  To be part of, be family, be known, be cared for, to belong to a group.  That is what we get in the church, we belong to a family!  God's Family!

Yet belonging is hard!  What if you don't fit in? What if no one is there for you?  Sure you see everyone at church but then the other hours of the week, you have no contact with any one and no one is there.  What do you do when you want to belong yet have no connection?  

I struggle with this myself.  I let self doubt get in the way of making relationships outside of church, I go and then head home, I don't connect.  Recently I went to a woman's day, it dawned to me that I am that log in the fire that sits on the side and just barely keeps warm.  To really connect, I have to get into the flames.

So how do you do this?  For me, I am downloading the church directory, going to call one or two of the members and see about building something more.  I will go to classes and not just the main service.  And I will get into service work in the church.

If I want to belong to something bigger, then I have to let it belong to me too!  I have to let it in.  I have to pray that doubts be taken away and the strength to reach out to others.  What will you do to belong?

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

The Closet Professor: God Loves You

I really love this and how Joe writes!

The Closet Professor: God Loves You: Can a gay person really be saved? What does the Bible really say? According to the Bible, I found that the answer is yes! Furthermore, ...

When Fear Rules

For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Isaiah 41:3

In this past election, it brought up a lot of fears for several people. I being one of them. What will become of my rights as a member of LGBT? What of safety? Sure times are much different then those of Stonewall, but are they really? Hate can be found in many, and yet they don't know why they hate, they just do!

I have learned over my years though that I can not let fear rule the day! I could not find the passage, but I remember hearing "Fear not for I am God" growing up. If I am walking right with God, letting Him take the lead, then I have nothing to fear.
It is not that easy though, I keep wanting to take the lead and say to God, "I got this!" I can just see Him laughing and saying, "Okay, I will be here to fix it when you are done trying!"

I am human, you are human, and part of that means we get scared! Yet let us know God has us! If we stay in His word, pray, and do the next right thing, then we have nothing to fear!

You may say, but Lesley you know nothing of fear. I beg to differ, I came close to loosing my father over the last month, I thought I was going to jail over a speeding ticket, I thought I would loose my job, and I started my own business. Those are big things for me, but I prayed each time I got scared and asked God to remove the fear. And you know what, He did! Maybe not right away, but that is when I was holding on to it.

Why do we hold on to fear? Maybe cause some times it is comforting, or what we are supposed to do. Yet God says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." in Matthew 11:28. God wants us to give him that which we worry over and let Him handle it!

Don't let fear rule the day! You can either forget everything and run or you can face everything and recover! Fear is real, but if we face it, not let false evidence appear real, pray about it, give it to God, we will then find a lesson that is positive!

Choice is yours, you going to keep it or give it over?

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Story: Alone in the dark

Desperately looking around the cold house, Susan looked for any sign that this was all real.  Had she just spent her whole adult life caring for her parents that she lost track of others?  Now her parents had died and Susan did not know what to do.  Sure on Facebook she had tons of friends, but really who did she have?

Susan finally sat down and let the overwhelming despair hit her, she was alone and it was no one's fault but her own.  She had chosen to take care of her elderly parents and put off being part of other's lives.  Now in her greatest hour of need, there was no one there.  Susan was all alone.

Just as Susan was starting to wonder what to do from this point, the phone rang.  It had been days since the phone rang and even then it was just a bill collector.  Wanting to hear another's voice, Susan reached for the phone.  To her surprise it was a woman she considered a friend but never once spoke on the phone.

"Hello" Susan said in a very shy and uncertain voice.

"Susan, this is Toni, are you there?"

"Yes, what can I do for you?"
"Well, we had not seen you at church in some time and we know that a few weeks ago your parents passed away."

Before Toni could finish, Susan interrupted her. "Yes, they did, so why are you calling?"

"Well, I was just getting to that.  Some of us ladies want to take you out to lunch.  Can you be ready in an hour and we will pick you up?"

Susan went silent.  Here she craved attention and being out with others, but at the same time she feared it.  If she said yes, how bad could it be?  If she said no, would there be another chance?  And maybe is not an answer.  It had been some time since she did some thing with someone other then her parents.

"I will go, but don't know what kind of company I will be."

"Great we will see you soon!" and with that Toni hung up.

Now Susan had to get out of her old t-shirt and sweat pants and become presentable.  With each step to the closet, she kept wondering what she was doing.  Susan stood at her closet and had no clue what to wear.  Finally she laid out her jeans, a nice slender blouse, and her short leather boots.

From there, Susan walked into the bathroom and got ready to shower.  Today was one of those days that she did not feel pretty.  Not to say she wasn't, but over time, life had taken a tole.  Susan stood looking at her now plump figure, her sagging eyes, her salt and pepper hair, and the wrinkles that took over.  How did this happen?  She remembered a time when she was thin, full of life, and a face so thin.  Time taking care of her parents really took a toll.

After getting showered and dressed, Susan went to the front room and lit up a smoke.  Her anxiety started to run wild and Susan struggled to get it under control.  Reaching for the prescription her doctor gave her for anxiety, Susan forced herself to take just one.  She hadn't even opened the bottle till now, but giving she had not left the house except for work since the funeral, she had no need to.

After a bit of time passed, Susan started to wonder if they forgot to get her.  Just great she thought, call me up, invite me out, and then don't show!  No wonder there are no friends!  As this rampant of negative thoughts started to set in, Susan felt her eyes swell up with tears, and she swore that she would not agree to this again.  

Just as she gave up though, the door bell rang.  Susan startled back to reality not the dark depths she had just gone, put out her smoke, and grabbed her purse.

When Susan opened the door, there stood Toni, Jill, and Lesley.  Three women that Susan didn't even think thought of her one minute.

"You just going to stand there or are we headed out?" Jill jokingly said to Susan.

And with that the girls were off.  They had lunch, went to the mall, and then to dinner.  They would not let Susan get too far off, and was determined to show her that people care when she let's them in.  Susan ended up enjoying the day and found that though she had set aside her friends, they never left her.

Moral of the story, don't let go of the ones that are there and get out and enjoy life with your peeps!

New Year, New Commitment

God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
Hebrew 13:5

If God will never leave us, then who are we not to commit to Him? God gave His only son to die on the cross so that we may have eternal life, He made the ultimate sacrifice.  As someone who gave their own son to adoption, I can understand part of that.  I did it out of love for him, God did it out of love for us!

So with this new year, let us also renew our commitment to God!  How can you do that?  Glad you asked!  There are several ways.

Here are a few:

  • Read your Bible and know His word
  • Go to church and be part of, not just someone who comes and goes.
  • Tell others about Him
  • Pray daily
  • Meditate on what He wants for your life
I am sure there are more, but that is just off the top of my head.  I also set a vision and goals for the year spiritually.  Here is mine:

Vision: Grow my spiritual life, grow the blog, and be more active at church

Goals to reach my vision:
1. Write a post a Week.
2. Pray daily
3. Attend church and activities like Lady's day
4. Meet members of the church and remember their names.  Not just attend and leave.
5. Read a passage a week from the Bible.

Make your own and see your own life flourish as you grow closer to God and committing your life to Him!  He will not leave you and never forsake you when you walk with Him!